Wow 61 days. That’s like 2 months. We’re 15% of the way done.
I heard from Aaron yesterday and sounds like things are ok. It’s just really hot over there.
I’m feeling in better spirits today. This week has been fraught with poor sleep and bad dreams – I tried retail therapy midweek, but not even a trip to buy Baman Legos, a web cam, and the Kid Rock CD could cheer me up. In fact, Batman Legos hasn’t even come out of the packaging. It’s still sitting the bag on the dining room table…That will change tonight. Today is Friday and I will have a fun weekend. Army Wife Amy is coming up for BeerFest so we have a dinner date tonight. I’m excited – I get to drink Fitger’s beer and talk to another human being. It’s not like I don’t talk to people during the day, but for the most part I stare at my computer screen and clickity-click on my keyboard. I talk a lot when I get home, Bagely is a great listener – he just doesn’t hold up his part of the conversation. He just looks at me with his big brown eyes and cocks his head to one side and pretends to look smart. When he thinks I need a hug, he climbs up on my lap and rests his on my shoulder. It really is quite cute.
However, some of the other habits he’s picked up since Aaron left have not been so cute. He’s a bed hog. He has his own bed on the floor. (it’s a nice one, and it smells good since it stuffed with cedar chips and fiber fill – I also wash the cover ever two weeks too) He lays down on it until I shut the lights out and climb into bed, then he hops up and jumps up on my bed. It starts out cute enough with him curled up in a little ball at the end of the bed, but I usually wake up to him trying push me off the bed as he sprawls out and makes himself more comfortable. It’s something we need to work on – because when Aaron gets home, its back to the floor for Bagley.
Oh and thanks for the comments - I figured you were all out there being closet readers :D
That’s really all I have for now.
339 days to go.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Day 57
Ok where to begin.
First a shout out to my hubby in Middle East land - Happy One Year Anniversary! I thawed the cake topper, but I think I am going to hit the bakery and get something a little fresher. The thought of eating year old cake makes me a little uneasy and I have a hankering for carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. While this isn’t how I would prefer to spend my first anniversary I’m trying to make the best of it – it’s really all I can do.
I would like to say I’ve handled today with poise and grace and this would be true if my day had ended at 10:30 AM – that’s the time the flower delivery guy came. It’s been pretty rough since them. While I should have just gone home today and had my moments in private, I’ve stuck it out and I worked through the tears – Literally worked through the tears. Puffy eyes and tear streaked cheeks are no match for this master query writer. Although I wish I could turn off that English major part brain that managed to add extra symbolism to the 6 red roses that arrived – Thanks to my warped inner voice each red rose represents 1000 miles.
I guess all I can do is take solace in knowing that tomorrow this will all just feel like a little road bump.
So moving on… I need to share the highlights of the Pennsylvania vacation. It started off not good. The day before I was supposed to leave, Bagley got sick. So in the midst of packing and getting ready to travel - I had to take him to the vet for a bladder infection. He was supposed to stay with the neighbors, but instead I had to take him to the vet/boarding suites. I felt like a bad mom - ditching my sick kid so I could go have some fun.
The flight to PHL was delayed so it provided time for Amy and I to have some cocktails before takeoff. I was very relaxed when it came time to board the plane :) Driving sucked. We made it 7 whole miles on the freeway in our first hour in the car.
Saturday we saw the Liberty Bell, a bunch of old buildings, and downtown Philly – we stopped for beers and cheese steak. We also checked out the Shops at the Market Street terminal – which was really neat. It was kind of a cross between a farmers market and the food court at them mall.
Sunday we made it to the Sweetwater Farms B & B via a route through west Philly... Yeah – the GPS people need to add a route options of ‘Naive Minnesotan’. I was reading a magazine when we started the trip, and I don’t know why I stopped, but I started looking around the neighborhood we were in and “rough” would be a major understatement… But the B & B was a totally awesome place. They had horses and sheep and fainting goats. Aaron and the rest of my travel companions got to meet Grr – the first of my adopted little brothers. Grr proved to be an enigma and made quite the impression and also landed himself an invite for the coveted BWCA trips. Much Merriment and drinking was had. I learned two things about PA on Sunday that I really liked – 1.) They sell booze on Sunday. All types. No limitations. And 2.) They have BYOB restaurants – nothing is more stupendous than bringing your own booze to a restaurant.
Monday we went to the Chaddfords Winery and it was like being a college again – I was drinking and learning :) I learned all about the east coast grape growing and wine vintages. They also had some really good reds, so I will most likely ordering some wines from them to add to my collection.
Tuesday we visited the Longwood Gardens. They had 1000+ acres of flowers, plants, shrubs, trees, fountains, etc. It was amazing – even if their tree house exhibit left a little to be desired. Then it was time to go home. Which was bad. I’m not a fan of saying goodbye, so I’ve never learned to do it well. We ended with a couple of hugs and drove back to Philly to catch the plane back to MN in the morning...
343 days to go.
First a shout out to my hubby in Middle East land - Happy One Year Anniversary! I thawed the cake topper, but I think I am going to hit the bakery and get something a little fresher. The thought of eating year old cake makes me a little uneasy and I have a hankering for carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. While this isn’t how I would prefer to spend my first anniversary I’m trying to make the best of it – it’s really all I can do.
I would like to say I’ve handled today with poise and grace and this would be true if my day had ended at 10:30 AM – that’s the time the flower delivery guy came. It’s been pretty rough since them. While I should have just gone home today and had my moments in private, I’ve stuck it out and I worked through the tears – Literally worked through the tears. Puffy eyes and tear streaked cheeks are no match for this master query writer. Although I wish I could turn off that English major part brain that managed to add extra symbolism to the 6 red roses that arrived – Thanks to my warped inner voice each red rose represents 1000 miles.
I guess all I can do is take solace in knowing that tomorrow this will all just feel like a little road bump.
So moving on… I need to share the highlights of the Pennsylvania vacation. It started off not good. The day before I was supposed to leave, Bagley got sick. So in the midst of packing and getting ready to travel - I had to take him to the vet for a bladder infection. He was supposed to stay with the neighbors, but instead I had to take him to the vet/boarding suites. I felt like a bad mom - ditching my sick kid so I could go have some fun.
The flight to PHL was delayed so it provided time for Amy and I to have some cocktails before takeoff. I was very relaxed when it came time to board the plane :) Driving sucked. We made it 7 whole miles on the freeway in our first hour in the car.
Saturday we saw the Liberty Bell, a bunch of old buildings, and downtown Philly – we stopped for beers and cheese steak. We also checked out the Shops at the Market Street terminal – which was really neat. It was kind of a cross between a farmers market and the food court at them mall.
Sunday we made it to the Sweetwater Farms B & B via a route through west Philly... Yeah – the GPS people need to add a route options of ‘Naive Minnesotan’. I was reading a magazine when we started the trip, and I don’t know why I stopped, but I started looking around the neighborhood we were in and “rough” would be a major understatement… But the B & B was a totally awesome place. They had horses and sheep and fainting goats. Aaron and the rest of my travel companions got to meet Grr – the first of my adopted little brothers. Grr proved to be an enigma and made quite the impression and also landed himself an invite for the coveted BWCA trips. Much Merriment and drinking was had. I learned two things about PA on Sunday that I really liked – 1.) They sell booze on Sunday. All types. No limitations. And 2.) They have BYOB restaurants – nothing is more stupendous than bringing your own booze to a restaurant.
Monday we went to the Chaddfords Winery and it was like being a college again – I was drinking and learning :) I learned all about the east coast grape growing and wine vintages. They also had some really good reds, so I will most likely ordering some wines from them to add to my collection.
Tuesday we visited the Longwood Gardens. They had 1000+ acres of flowers, plants, shrubs, trees, fountains, etc. It was amazing – even if their tree house exhibit left a little to be desired. Then it was time to go home. Which was bad. I’m not a fan of saying goodbye, so I’ve never learned to do it well. We ended with a couple of hugs and drove back to Philly to catch the plane back to MN in the morning...
343 days to go.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Day 54
First off – my apologies for not posting earlier. I was working on posting yesterday about my vacation with Aaron, but I got a call last night that left me rather inert. I will work on recomposing it and post it over the weekend since there are some noteworthy occurrences. Which brings me to last night’s phone call – Aaron is now somewhere over the ocean on his way to the Middle East.
I know I knew this was coming, so I don’t know why it still felt like I just got hit by a truck. And as you can imagine this also impacts one’s ability to have a normal conversation or a normal night. I know I tried to fill him in on my day, my walk with the dog, and my plans for the weekend, but pretty much all I can remember from the phone call, was not to worry if I didn’t get any news. No news is good news and it would probably two weeks before I will hear from him again.
Things impact people differently. I suck at the first night and last night of travel. So I was already exhausted from our mini vacation and before I could even recover I got smacked upside the head by the 2 x 4 of army wife life. I’m not sure I slept more than two hours last night – I kept waking up and looking at the clock and wondering if his plane had taken off yet. And this morning it looks like I haven’t slept in days. Granted, I’m not the vainest of people - I often just pull my hair back into a pony tail and my make-up routine is usually spf 15 lotion and chapstick. Though I have been trying a little harder lately. I still look younger than I am (at least that’s what I have been told), but I want to keep that illusion going longer. And despite everything I hate about our bathroom (it’s like pink Pepto barf) – the lighting is very kind and soft. I did my normal routine of brushing my hair and putting on my make-up feeling that I didn’t look all that awful. I made the mistake of checking myself in the full length mirror at top of stairs. This area has nice bright lighting - maybe even a little too bright. The bags under my eyes have their own bags. And granted I have a pale completion – but today I look like something that has never see the light of day. The combination of the translucent skin and dark multi layered circles under the eyes reminded me of something you should find in one of the deep ocean trenches. Then as if I could feel like I could look any worse. I started to tear up and added nice bloodshot eyes to the whole ensemble. Boy do I feel pretty today.
My plan for the night is to sit down with a cocktail, watch my Battlestar Galatica DVDs, and fall asleep with the dog and cats snuggled around me. That should solve some of problems.
346 days to go.
I know I knew this was coming, so I don’t know why it still felt like I just got hit by a truck. And as you can imagine this also impacts one’s ability to have a normal conversation or a normal night. I know I tried to fill him in on my day, my walk with the dog, and my plans for the weekend, but pretty much all I can remember from the phone call, was not to worry if I didn’t get any news. No news is good news and it would probably two weeks before I will hear from him again.
Things impact people differently. I suck at the first night and last night of travel. So I was already exhausted from our mini vacation and before I could even recover I got smacked upside the head by the 2 x 4 of army wife life. I’m not sure I slept more than two hours last night – I kept waking up and looking at the clock and wondering if his plane had taken off yet. And this morning it looks like I haven’t slept in days. Granted, I’m not the vainest of people - I often just pull my hair back into a pony tail and my make-up routine is usually spf 15 lotion and chapstick. Though I have been trying a little harder lately. I still look younger than I am (at least that’s what I have been told), but I want to keep that illusion going longer. And despite everything I hate about our bathroom (it’s like pink Pepto barf) – the lighting is very kind and soft. I did my normal routine of brushing my hair and putting on my make-up feeling that I didn’t look all that awful. I made the mistake of checking myself in the full length mirror at top of stairs. This area has nice bright lighting - maybe even a little too bright. The bags under my eyes have their own bags. And granted I have a pale completion – but today I look like something that has never see the light of day. The combination of the translucent skin and dark multi layered circles under the eyes reminded me of something you should find in one of the deep ocean trenches. Then as if I could feel like I could look any worse. I started to tear up and added nice bloodshot eyes to the whole ensemble. Boy do I feel pretty today.
My plan for the night is to sit down with a cocktail, watch my Battlestar Galatica DVDs, and fall asleep with the dog and cats snuggled around me. That should solve some of problems.
346 days to go.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Day 45
Well as I suspected as the initial shock of a new school year wore off, the blues faded away. I still feel rather discombobulated and distracted, but now I’m just not feeling sad about feeling that way. I’m really excited for Friday to come. I get to fly to the east coast and see Aaron. That might be why I feel all distracted now. I’m making little lists so I remember to pack everything – I have to pack clothes for me and for Aaron since all he took with him when he left was his army clothes. As an added complication I am trying to do it all in one suitcase so I don’t have to pay to check two bags. I could just leave his stuff behind, but if I didn’t bring him anything we make an odd looking couple lounging by the pool at the B & B.
I should try to blog when I am more in my manic giggly moods rather than I am just mellow. I fear I am coming across all Eeyore, and really that’s not how I feel at all. I’m super excited about seeing Aaron – though I wish I could have had the time to take the train instead of flying. It’s not that I don’t like flying - I just hate the hassle of it. You get this hurry up and wait mentality and most people are rude and impatient and do everything they can to take up as much overhead storage space as possible. I hate the lines to go through security. I hate having to unpack my liquids and my laptop and taking off my shoes. I hate paying $550 for a round trip ticket and then having to pay an additional $15 each way to check my suitcase. I hate sitting still for 3 hours. OK – maybe I do hate flying a little bit, good thing I don’t do it that often.
At this moment I am daydreaming about our stay at the Sweetwater Farms B & B, and the wine tasting we’ll go to. And the phenomenally awesome breakfasts we will be served. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. You basically get to eat dessert with a side of fried piggy – who doesn’t love that. We’ll cultural stuff too, like see the Liberty Bell and Independence hall. I’m really looking forward to this time away with Aaron.
My thoughts are just bouncing everywhere. Not a very coherent post. I will try to do better in the future.
355 days to go.
I should try to blog when I am more in my manic giggly moods rather than I am just mellow. I fear I am coming across all Eeyore, and really that’s not how I feel at all. I’m super excited about seeing Aaron – though I wish I could have had the time to take the train instead of flying. It’s not that I don’t like flying - I just hate the hassle of it. You get this hurry up and wait mentality and most people are rude and impatient and do everything they can to take up as much overhead storage space as possible. I hate the lines to go through security. I hate having to unpack my liquids and my laptop and taking off my shoes. I hate paying $550 for a round trip ticket and then having to pay an additional $15 each way to check my suitcase. I hate sitting still for 3 hours. OK – maybe I do hate flying a little bit, good thing I don’t do it that often.
At this moment I am daydreaming about our stay at the Sweetwater Farms B & B, and the wine tasting we’ll go to. And the phenomenally awesome breakfasts we will be served. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. You basically get to eat dessert with a side of fried piggy – who doesn’t love that. We’ll cultural stuff too, like see the Liberty Bell and Independence hall. I’m really looking forward to this time away with Aaron.
My thoughts are just bouncing everywhere. Not a very coherent post. I will try to do better in the future.
355 days to go.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Day 39
How did it get to be September already?? Where did summer go?
I spent the long weekend working on campus helping new students get anti-virus installed and troubleshooting network connections. It’s true what they say – no matter how much things change, they still remain the same. It’s been 11 years (Gasp) since I was freshman and they still have that deer-in-the-headlights look that I remember having. Wondering around trying to figure out where they are going and what they should be doing. Just now they do it with a cell phone in one hand and an iPod in the other.
I like working on campus because of the energy the students bring with them. It’s palatable and I love feeding off of it. It keeps me energized and young at heart – and it doesn’t hurt that every fall there is a new batch eye-candy ;) Unfortunately the first few days they bring a lot of other things with them too. Confusion, nervousness, anxiety, loss, loneliness, stress, fear – which I unfortunately feed off of too. I’m going to blame the oddness that I have been feeling the past two days on all the students. I should be all excited, but I have had this blue streak the past couple of days and I just want to shake it. It makes me pessimistic and brings on lots of self doubt and loathing. I should be excited that the deployment is about 10% done, but I keep drumming in my head that I have almost another full year to go. A full year of being alone, of being guarded, of be anxious, of feeling off kilter, of doubting myself. I can’t see past it. I can’t appreciate the new things I will do, the items I will cross off of my list (run a 5K, audition for Survivor, volunteer, learn a new language, …) I can’t look forward to seeing Aaron next week. Rather than seeing it as a chance to see him, I’m seeing it has his last days in the country before he leaves for the desert.
I know this will all pass. But in true Wendy fashion, I want these feelings done and over with now – which seems to make them want to stay longer :( I just keep telling myself .. Tomorrow will be a better day.
361 days to go.
I spent the long weekend working on campus helping new students get anti-virus installed and troubleshooting network connections. It’s true what they say – no matter how much things change, they still remain the same. It’s been 11 years (Gasp) since I was freshman and they still have that deer-in-the-headlights look that I remember having. Wondering around trying to figure out where they are going and what they should be doing. Just now they do it with a cell phone in one hand and an iPod in the other.
I like working on campus because of the energy the students bring with them. It’s palatable and I love feeding off of it. It keeps me energized and young at heart – and it doesn’t hurt that every fall there is a new batch eye-candy ;) Unfortunately the first few days they bring a lot of other things with them too. Confusion, nervousness, anxiety, loss, loneliness, stress, fear – which I unfortunately feed off of too. I’m going to blame the oddness that I have been feeling the past two days on all the students. I should be all excited, but I have had this blue streak the past couple of days and I just want to shake it. It makes me pessimistic and brings on lots of self doubt and loathing. I should be excited that the deployment is about 10% done, but I keep drumming in my head that I have almost another full year to go. A full year of being alone, of being guarded, of be anxious, of feeling off kilter, of doubting myself. I can’t see past it. I can’t appreciate the new things I will do, the items I will cross off of my list (run a 5K, audition for Survivor, volunteer, learn a new language, …) I can’t look forward to seeing Aaron next week. Rather than seeing it as a chance to see him, I’m seeing it has his last days in the country before he leaves for the desert.
I know this will all pass. But in true Wendy fashion, I want these feelings done and over with now – which seems to make them want to stay longer :( I just keep telling myself .. Tomorrow will be a better day.
361 days to go.
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