I have made it to my parents for the holidays. I had to try and time it so I could try to avoid snow storms and blowing snow. Friday I used the snow blower for the first time. It wasn’t pretty, but I got the job done. I did well on the sidewalk, but the driveway was a little a little ehh. I didn’t know which way to blow the snow, I ended up blowing into the wind so it blew right back at me. I also blew it where I already cleared and had to clear again. While I was trying to clear a spot for the trash bins by the curb, I put the blower into reverse took a step back and was against the edge of the drift in the yard and had no place to go – unfortunately I didn’t take my hand off of the clutch fast enough and snow blower ended pushing me backwards into the snow bank. The only thing hurt was my pride. I did take a quick look around to make sure the other people out snow blowing didn’t see me though. To make sure no one learned of snow blower bullying me, I took the shovel and tried to rearrange snow bank so no one would know I fell into it.
I spent the weekend at Aaron’s parent house. It was a slow drive thanks to the snow and the wind. But my kitties were quiet. Spooky took her pill – but for the rest of the day it was like she was high. Her eyes didn’t focus and she growled instead of purring. But I think she meant to purr. She would be all lovey and rubbing against me and growling.
We did puzzles. I like puzzles. And Aaron’s little brother tormented the dog with a whoopee cushion. For a while Bagley wouldn’t even go near his bed for fear it would make a funny noise when he laid or walked over it.
I made it to my parents today. I didn’t drug the kitties and they did quite well. They just chilled in the back and tolerated the ride. My parents don’t have a lot of snow, but it sure does blow a lot and drift even more. My dad pushed snow this afternoon and when my mom and I went to get groceries you could hardly tell he had done anything – guess he’ll have to move all the snow again.
Time to go check on the kitties and make sure they aren’t being bad little kitties.
252 days to go.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Day 144
Christmas shopping is done. I got the last of what I needed yesterday morning and I wrapped most of them last night. Just a few more to wrap and I can cross something of my To Do list.
Boo is feeling better. The antibiotics must have started to do their job because after 2 days of not eating she started eating again last night. Not the full on chow down like Spook was doing, but she ate none the less. Now we’ll have to see how she travels. I can’t give her the sedatives while she is on the antibiotics so I may have a 3.5 hour car ride with a whiney kitty. My plan is to sedate Spook – hopefully if Boo sees her lying down and being quite she will do the same.
I’ve been feeling for lack of a better term “off” as of late. This morning I woke up to my alarm, and it took me 5 minutes to figure out what day it was and if I needed to go to work today or not. Yesterday I had to be called to a meeting I scheduled because for some reason I was convinced I scheduled it for an hour later than I did. I even look at my calendar yesterday and saw the meeting at 10 instead of 9. I felt so silly and unprepared. Things like that just keep happening more and more frequently. Aaron tells me it just because the holidays are here and I have more to worry about. I hope that’s it. But it could be any number of things, the cold, the short days, the migraines, the migraine medicine, the 3 important projects I am trying to balance as well as my other normal maintenance thingies. I have notice my mood is down more too. I certainly hope I don’t have the winter blahs already – we’re not even to the official start of winter yet. I plan on adjusting my work hours in January so I can start running on my lunch hour. With it being as cold as it has been I have ran since December started. :( I'm hoping a little bit more activity in my schedule will help balance me out again.
Finals are winding down here and campus is starting to empty out. I typically don’t mind the students but some of them just really grate on my nerves. For example – we have 1 classroom in our area, and a couple offices for TAs. Students will come and just sprawl out on the floor an more or less block the hallways and I literally have to step over them. I would love to tell them this is not a lounge area but I don’t. They also do the same thing in the coffee shop. Well not the laying down bit, but just taking up more space than they need to. There are times where we have 6 people crowded around a table meant for three sipping our java while at the next much larger table is one student, sitting in one chair, coat in another, backpack on a third books all over the place and not even drinking coffee. Enough ranting for one day.
256 days to go.
Boo is feeling better. The antibiotics must have started to do their job because after 2 days of not eating she started eating again last night. Not the full on chow down like Spook was doing, but she ate none the less. Now we’ll have to see how she travels. I can’t give her the sedatives while she is on the antibiotics so I may have a 3.5 hour car ride with a whiney kitty. My plan is to sedate Spook – hopefully if Boo sees her lying down and being quite she will do the same.
I’ve been feeling for lack of a better term “off” as of late. This morning I woke up to my alarm, and it took me 5 minutes to figure out what day it was and if I needed to go to work today or not. Yesterday I had to be called to a meeting I scheduled because for some reason I was convinced I scheduled it for an hour later than I did. I even look at my calendar yesterday and saw the meeting at 10 instead of 9. I felt so silly and unprepared. Things like that just keep happening more and more frequently. Aaron tells me it just because the holidays are here and I have more to worry about. I hope that’s it. But it could be any number of things, the cold, the short days, the migraines, the migraine medicine, the 3 important projects I am trying to balance as well as my other normal maintenance thingies. I have notice my mood is down more too. I certainly hope I don’t have the winter blahs already – we’re not even to the official start of winter yet. I plan on adjusting my work hours in January so I can start running on my lunch hour. With it being as cold as it has been I have ran since December started. :( I'm hoping a little bit more activity in my schedule will help balance me out again.
Finals are winding down here and campus is starting to empty out. I typically don’t mind the students but some of them just really grate on my nerves. For example – we have 1 classroom in our area, and a couple offices for TAs. Students will come and just sprawl out on the floor an more or less block the hallways and I literally have to step over them. I would love to tell them this is not a lounge area but I don’t. They also do the same thing in the coffee shop. Well not the laying down bit, but just taking up more space than they need to. There are times where we have 6 people crowded around a table meant for three sipping our java while at the next much larger table is one student, sitting in one chair, coat in another, backpack on a third books all over the place and not even drinking coffee. Enough ranting for one day.
256 days to go.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Day 141
December is passing so quickly. I wish I could say I was in the Christmas spirit. And I think I am when I’m not in my house. At the store and in the office and in the car I find myself singing along to Christmas songs. Being cheerful, merry, and bright. But at home – its just a normal day. All the presents I bought are tucked under the desk in the spare room with the door closed. The ornaments are still boxed and on the shelf where I put them last year. The wreath I have been meaning to buy is still at the wreath store. But I think I am ok with all of that.
I’ve found that as well adjusted as I think I am about Aaron being gone, I still find myself missing him at times. And it seems to happen at those bizarre I-shouldn’t-tear-up-here kind of moments. For example I was finishing my Christmas shopping and I walked by the jewelry counter at Younkers and I found I was looking at men’s watches. I looked at them thinking many would make a good gift for Aaron – and I started tearing up. I was suddenly overwhelmed by feelings of missing him and not having him around for Christmas. I think it’s a good idea that I’m planning on spending Christmas with my family.
On another note – my kitties are no longer capable of making more kitties. Spooky has not shut up since Saturday. She is constantly purring, and talking, and wants all sorts of loving attention. Boo on the other hand has become very quiet and alone. I’m worried about her. She didn’t eat her food this morning and the earliest I can get her in at the vet is tomorrow afternoon. I hope she is feeling better when I get home.
Yesterday we had a blizzard. It had been forecasted all week so it wasn’t a big deal. Saturday I made sure I got all my cookie baking supplies so I had something to do while it blizzarded and Aaron gave me a snow blower lesson via MSN. We got about 9 inches of snow and everything is covered in white. The sun is shining today and it’s a mild -7 degrees. And thanks to all that extra reflective surface I ended up with a migraine this morning. Not to worry though I caught it in time. I went to the see the doc last week about a different treatment option instead of taking a fist full of ibuprofen. So I popped one of my new pills with the aura started. The head ache stopped in its tracks. The aura reduced. The side effects suck. Doc said I would likely make the nausea worse. So instead of wanting to find a dark quite place to rest because my head hurts – I want to find a soft comfy spot to curl up while my tummy hurts. Thankfully the tummy ache and almost impossible to resist urge to vomit passed after about an hour. But I guess I would take an hour of tummy ache over a day of migraine and sight, sound, and smell sensitivity.
259 days to go.
I’ve found that as well adjusted as I think I am about Aaron being gone, I still find myself missing him at times. And it seems to happen at those bizarre I-shouldn’t-tear-up-here kind of moments. For example I was finishing my Christmas shopping and I walked by the jewelry counter at Younkers and I found I was looking at men’s watches. I looked at them thinking many would make a good gift for Aaron – and I started tearing up. I was suddenly overwhelmed by feelings of missing him and not having him around for Christmas. I think it’s a good idea that I’m planning on spending Christmas with my family.
On another note – my kitties are no longer capable of making more kitties. Spooky has not shut up since Saturday. She is constantly purring, and talking, and wants all sorts of loving attention. Boo on the other hand has become very quiet and alone. I’m worried about her. She didn’t eat her food this morning and the earliest I can get her in at the vet is tomorrow afternoon. I hope she is feeling better when I get home.
Yesterday we had a blizzard. It had been forecasted all week so it wasn’t a big deal. Saturday I made sure I got all my cookie baking supplies so I had something to do while it blizzarded and Aaron gave me a snow blower lesson via MSN. We got about 9 inches of snow and everything is covered in white. The sun is shining today and it’s a mild -7 degrees. And thanks to all that extra reflective surface I ended up with a migraine this morning. Not to worry though I caught it in time. I went to the see the doc last week about a different treatment option instead of taking a fist full of ibuprofen. So I popped one of my new pills with the aura started. The head ache stopped in its tracks. The aura reduced. The side effects suck. Doc said I would likely make the nausea worse. So instead of wanting to find a dark quite place to rest because my head hurts – I want to find a soft comfy spot to curl up while my tummy hurts. Thankfully the tummy ache and almost impossible to resist urge to vomit passed after about an hour. But I guess I would take an hour of tummy ache over a day of migraine and sight, sound, and smell sensitivity.
259 days to go.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Day 127
And we’re into December and only 23 days to shop. Or in my case 22 days to procrastinate :)
Actually this year I am ordering all the presents for my nephews and niece online. I’m not a fan of crowds at stores. I like to take my time and look around, not be rushed, and not have people in my way.
All in all I’m looking forward to the Christmas. I get to spend a lot of time with my family – and I’m taking the dog and two cats with me. The kitties are going to the vet this week to get their shots updated – and then next week they get spayed, and hopefully a prescription for something to make them quiet sleepy kitties for the car ride. The only bad thing about going home for the holidays and not have Aaron with me is that I will be banished to the little room and the twin sized bed. Which may mean the dog will wonder around and look for better sleeping accommodations in one of the other rooms instead of sleeping on his mat in my room. Silly dog – thinking he’s a people and needs to sleep in a bed.
So the rest of Turkey Day weekend went well. I traveled to Aaron’s parents house to visit with his family. We ate, we chatted and we played Wii (something I am not too good at but I’m still going to put it on my Christmas list). They also gave me strange looks as I doted on my dog, and wrapped the 65 pound lap dog in his blanky, and had a one sided conversation with him, and tucked him in at night. I think I may need to find more people to talk to so I don’t look so much like the crazy person.
Aaron made his usual call this weekend, but instead of just calling me he called his parents house. His parents and all of his siblings got a chance to talk too – which I think they all really enjoyed. It sounded like he had a pleasant Thanksgiving and even sent us some photos of the spread they dined on.
273 days to go.
Actually this year I am ordering all the presents for my nephews and niece online. I’m not a fan of crowds at stores. I like to take my time and look around, not be rushed, and not have people in my way.
All in all I’m looking forward to the Christmas. I get to spend a lot of time with my family – and I’m taking the dog and two cats with me. The kitties are going to the vet this week to get their shots updated – and then next week they get spayed, and hopefully a prescription for something to make them quiet sleepy kitties for the car ride. The only bad thing about going home for the holidays and not have Aaron with me is that I will be banished to the little room and the twin sized bed. Which may mean the dog will wonder around and look for better sleeping accommodations in one of the other rooms instead of sleeping on his mat in my room. Silly dog – thinking he’s a people and needs to sleep in a bed.
So the rest of Turkey Day weekend went well. I traveled to Aaron’s parents house to visit with his family. We ate, we chatted and we played Wii (something I am not too good at but I’m still going to put it on my Christmas list). They also gave me strange looks as I doted on my dog, and wrapped the 65 pound lap dog in his blanky, and had a one sided conversation with him, and tucked him in at night. I think I may need to find more people to talk to so I don’t look so much like the crazy person.
Aaron made his usual call this weekend, but instead of just calling me he called his parents house. His parents and all of his siblings got a chance to talk too – which I think they all really enjoyed. It sounded like he had a pleasant Thanksgiving and even sent us some photos of the spread they dined on.
273 days to go.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Day 123
Happy Thanksgiving!
It’s been a long day. I got up this morning and ran the Gobble Gallop 5K in downtown Duluth. My time was much improved from my Trail run in October (about 10 minutes better). I still have lots of room for improvement. But I would have to say for someone that never thought of running a 5K until last July – I’ve come a long way.
The race was fun. My neighbor Mel ran it too. The race was set up so that we ran 2.5 K up one street turned around and ran back. I have to admit I was a little frustrated with shortly after I crossed the 1 mile marker I saw the leader on his way back. But I kept going and didn’t walk any of it. We also had gotten about an inch of snow this morning right before the race. It was just enough to make everything greasy and since it was a holiday and it wasn’t that much snow the city didn’t clear it off.
I guess I’ll have to start looking for another 5K to run in the near future.
Then I came home and started my contributions to the Thanksgiving meal down at my neighbor’s. We ended up feasting mid-afternoon with enough food to feed 8 when there were only 3 of us. Then I took a food coma nap on their couch .
I thought about doing the whole Black Friday shopping at 4 in the morning tomorrow. But then I remembered how I hate shopping with crowds and getting up at 3 AM. So I am going to sleep until the my regular time – maybe I will even sleep in for a little bit too.
All in all things are going well. I wasn’t sure what to expect of the holidays without Aaron around but I seem to be finding a way to get through them. I still miss him lots.
277 days to go.
It’s been a long day. I got up this morning and ran the Gobble Gallop 5K in downtown Duluth. My time was much improved from my Trail run in October (about 10 minutes better). I still have lots of room for improvement. But I would have to say for someone that never thought of running a 5K until last July – I’ve come a long way.
The race was fun. My neighbor Mel ran it too. The race was set up so that we ran 2.5 K up one street turned around and ran back. I have to admit I was a little frustrated with shortly after I crossed the 1 mile marker I saw the leader on his way back. But I kept going and didn’t walk any of it. We also had gotten about an inch of snow this morning right before the race. It was just enough to make everything greasy and since it was a holiday and it wasn’t that much snow the city didn’t clear it off.
I guess I’ll have to start looking for another 5K to run in the near future.
Then I came home and started my contributions to the Thanksgiving meal down at my neighbor’s. We ended up feasting mid-afternoon with enough food to feed 8 when there were only 3 of us. Then I took a food coma nap on their couch .
I thought about doing the whole Black Friday shopping at 4 in the morning tomorrow. But then I remembered how I hate shopping with crowds and getting up at 3 AM. So I am going to sleep until the my regular time – maybe I will even sleep in for a little bit too.
All in all things are going well. I wasn’t sure what to expect of the holidays without Aaron around but I seem to be finding a way to get through them. I still miss him lots.
277 days to go.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Day 107
Happy Veterans Day!
I really like seeing that number getting bigger. It means that Aaron and I are just that much closer to being together again.
So I spent the past weekend in Rapid City, SD – and it was awesome. They had a blizzard the day before I got there – and had opened the airport only hours before my flight arrived. The roads sucked and there was lots of snow. My sister and I used to go shopping together. This trip I think we only left the house to pick up some groceries and go to church for mass and the baptism – and I liked it. I spent three days playing with my niece and nephew. George is two now, and it’s so cute how many words he has in his vocabulary. He knows his colors, and animals and sounds they make – even though his pronunciation isn’t quite right. For instance he calls me Wennie. It’s a name I usually hate to be called. It has a nails-on-chalk-board image to me. But from him, it was so cute. He drug me around the house wanting to play with Wennie. We played with his cat Dude. Again nothing can be cuter than a two year old chasing a cat around the house calling for Dude. Lucy was cute too. She is so big and drools lots. But she laughs and smiles. I can’t wait to see them again. I know at Christmas Lucy will be hitting new milestones - she’ll be up on her hands and knees and scooting around.
The only bad thing about this trip was leaving. It made me realize all the things I am missing. Since Aaron left, I feel like I am always teetering on the verge of tears. I feel sensitive. Venturing out of my safe zone left me exposed. I loved seeing my family, but it only reminded me of what I am missing in my life. I did good though. I made it from Rapid City to Duluth and to the safety of my car in the airport parking lot before the tears rolled over their barricade .
Well the night is getting late, and I have a book to read (Stephen King’s Duma Key)
293 days to go.
I really like seeing that number getting bigger. It means that Aaron and I are just that much closer to being together again.
So I spent the past weekend in Rapid City, SD – and it was awesome. They had a blizzard the day before I got there – and had opened the airport only hours before my flight arrived. The roads sucked and there was lots of snow. My sister and I used to go shopping together. This trip I think we only left the house to pick up some groceries and go to church for mass and the baptism – and I liked it. I spent three days playing with my niece and nephew. George is two now, and it’s so cute how many words he has in his vocabulary. He knows his colors, and animals and sounds they make – even though his pronunciation isn’t quite right. For instance he calls me Wennie. It’s a name I usually hate to be called. It has a nails-on-chalk-board image to me. But from him, it was so cute. He drug me around the house wanting to play with Wennie. We played with his cat Dude. Again nothing can be cuter than a two year old chasing a cat around the house calling for Dude. Lucy was cute too. She is so big and drools lots. But she laughs and smiles. I can’t wait to see them again. I know at Christmas Lucy will be hitting new milestones - she’ll be up on her hands and knees and scooting around.
The only bad thing about this trip was leaving. It made me realize all the things I am missing. Since Aaron left, I feel like I am always teetering on the verge of tears. I feel sensitive. Venturing out of my safe zone left me exposed. I loved seeing my family, but it only reminded me of what I am missing in my life. I did good though. I made it from Rapid City to Duluth and to the safety of my car in the airport parking lot before the tears rolled over their barricade .
Well the night is getting late, and I have a book to read (Stephen King’s Duma Key)
293 days to go.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Day 102
Wow. Triple digits. Now we’re just a hair over 25% complete with the deployment.
Aside from being 30, work stressing me out, and I think the dog ate something he shouldn’t have and has a tummy ache now – things are pretty ok. I’m headed to South Dakota for the weekend to finally see my niece. I can’t remember the last time I saw my sister and her family. I know it’s been a while. I think it might have even been my wedding which was over a year ago. Aaron and I are god parents and I’m excited. Except all the good baby stores have cleared the cute religious baby gifts off the shelves so they would have more room for all the baby Christmas stuff. I think its rather sad that we’ve all excepted that Christmas starts the end of October. My grocery store cleared out its collection of Halloween candy in their seasonal aisle and had Christmas Candy in its place the morning of Nov 1. When I went to Home Depot to get paint for my bed room in the middle of Oct - they already had the fake trees out - BTW I finished painting my room and have half the furniture moved back in - The color is super soft and soothing. It was good to change from the electric teal 1950s diner color to a key lime pie / soft summer green color.
Aaron is doing well. I can’t stress enough how nice it is to hear from him almost daily. I know in reality he is far far away, but being able to chat online for a few minutes or get an email a day makes him feel much closer – kind of like he’s back in NJ and not in Iraq. I still have my days where all I want is a hug and I just get ticked and mad and sad about the whole situation – but for the most part it feels like it’s getting a little bit easier.
298 days to go.
Aside from being 30, work stressing me out, and I think the dog ate something he shouldn’t have and has a tummy ache now – things are pretty ok. I’m headed to South Dakota for the weekend to finally see my niece. I can’t remember the last time I saw my sister and her family. I know it’s been a while. I think it might have even been my wedding which was over a year ago. Aaron and I are god parents and I’m excited. Except all the good baby stores have cleared the cute religious baby gifts off the shelves so they would have more room for all the baby Christmas stuff. I think its rather sad that we’ve all excepted that Christmas starts the end of October. My grocery store cleared out its collection of Halloween candy in their seasonal aisle and had Christmas Candy in its place the morning of Nov 1. When I went to Home Depot to get paint for my bed room in the middle of Oct - they already had the fake trees out - BTW I finished painting my room and have half the furniture moved back in - The color is super soft and soothing. It was good to change from the electric teal 1950s diner color to a key lime pie / soft summer green color.
Aaron is doing well. I can’t stress enough how nice it is to hear from him almost daily. I know in reality he is far far away, but being able to chat online for a few minutes or get an email a day makes him feel much closer – kind of like he’s back in NJ and not in Iraq. I still have my days where all I want is a hug and I just get ticked and mad and sad about the whole situation – but for the most part it feels like it’s getting a little bit easier.
298 days to go.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Day 93
It’s nearing the end of another month and the number of days Aaron’s been gone is nearing triple digits. News from the desert makes it sound like all is as well as it can be. He works long days and they aren’t getting much for time off – but it wasn’t as if this was unexpected. I get to hear from him a bit more which helps, but I can’t wait until this is over.
As for me things are somewhere between ehhh and ok. I’m in the final days of being a twenty-something and by next week I will cross over into the thirty zone - not exactly thrilled about this birthday. It’s not that I think thirty is the end of my youth (although in my teenage years I did decide that 30 was the age you turned old. I really wish I could build a time machine and go back to younger me and just give me a slap across the face and point out that 30 is not old - 90 is old). While it’s not an ending, I did make it a big milestone. By 30 I wanted to be married and have kids, I wanted to have been to Europe, have a house, and have some type of degree that made people call me Dr. Wendy. So I didn’t go get a terminal degree, never been to Europe, and it’s tough to start a family when your husband is 6000 miles away. And due to my warped sense of reality I see this as the birthday I’m the crazy cat lady. Consciously I know I’m surrounded by people that care about me – but on a subconscious level I see myself alone with crazy unbrushed hair, wondering around in a house coat and slippers, and talking nonsensical to the cats. I guess this just isn’t how I pictured this birthday would be. I know this feeling will pass – my kitties and dog are excellent counselors – pretty sure they all watch Dr Phil or something equally sensitive while I’m at work ;)
307 days to go.
As for me things are somewhere between ehhh and ok. I’m in the final days of being a twenty-something and by next week I will cross over into the thirty zone - not exactly thrilled about this birthday. It’s not that I think thirty is the end of my youth (although in my teenage years I did decide that 30 was the age you turned old. I really wish I could build a time machine and go back to younger me and just give me a slap across the face and point out that 30 is not old - 90 is old). While it’s not an ending, I did make it a big milestone. By 30 I wanted to be married and have kids, I wanted to have been to Europe, have a house, and have some type of degree that made people call me Dr. Wendy. So I didn’t go get a terminal degree, never been to Europe, and it’s tough to start a family when your husband is 6000 miles away. And due to my warped sense of reality I see this as the birthday I’m the crazy cat lady. Consciously I know I’m surrounded by people that care about me – but on a subconscious level I see myself alone with crazy unbrushed hair, wondering around in a house coat and slippers, and talking nonsensical to the cats. I guess this just isn’t how I pictured this birthday would be. I know this feeling will pass – my kitties and dog are excellent counselors – pretty sure they all watch Dr Phil or something equally sensitive while I’m at work ;)
307 days to go.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Day 88
Arg. Its been an odd couple of weeks. I ran my 5K – I wasn’t last but I wasn’t as fast I would have liked to have been. But when you considered I ran with a bunch of college kids who are *gasp* 10 year younger than I am – I didn’t do so bad. My next 5K isn’t going to be a trail run. I plan on being on flat ground and hopefully with a group closer to my age.
I’ve been painting my bedroom too. Not the colors Aaron and I picked out before he left, but a totally different color scheme. Instead of grey I picked two shades of green – I like it and I guess all that matters until Aaron gets home. I still have the final coat of poly to put on the bedroom furniture and the light fixtures to change out too. The nice thing about staying busy is it keeps me distracted. And I guess I’m going into the “me” mode. It’s become my dog, my room, my house. Amy tells me this is a coping mechanism and she does the same thing and the tough part is going back to “we” mode when they return. I think I feel happier now, but when I realize that I feel less stressed it stresses me out and makes me rather unhappy. I feel that perhaps by accepting things as they are and finding a way to be happy despite them – I’m somehow forgetting about Aaron. I’ve added more pictures of him to my office. I must have a dozen or so now. But it’s not the same as having him closer.
I’ve been getting my weekly phone call from Aaron. Sunday morning is now my new date night. It brings a smile to my face when the phone rings. Our conversations are still awkward. I think we’re still spending more time talking about finances and the dog – but it doesn’t matter I just love being able to hear from him. He just got internet in his CHU so we should be able to chat some now. I feel rather awful the past two days – he’s messaged me but I’ve been in meetings and haven’t gotten to chat back :( hopefully that will all change soon, now that I get to go back to my normal routine.
312 days to go.
I’ve been painting my bedroom too. Not the colors Aaron and I picked out before he left, but a totally different color scheme. Instead of grey I picked two shades of green – I like it and I guess all that matters until Aaron gets home. I still have the final coat of poly to put on the bedroom furniture and the light fixtures to change out too. The nice thing about staying busy is it keeps me distracted. And I guess I’m going into the “me” mode. It’s become my dog, my room, my house. Amy tells me this is a coping mechanism and she does the same thing and the tough part is going back to “we” mode when they return. I think I feel happier now, but when I realize that I feel less stressed it stresses me out and makes me rather unhappy. I feel that perhaps by accepting things as they are and finding a way to be happy despite them – I’m somehow forgetting about Aaron. I’ve added more pictures of him to my office. I must have a dozen or so now. But it’s not the same as having him closer.
I’ve been getting my weekly phone call from Aaron. Sunday morning is now my new date night. It brings a smile to my face when the phone rings. Our conversations are still awkward. I think we’re still spending more time talking about finances and the dog – but it doesn’t matter I just love being able to hear from him. He just got internet in his CHU so we should be able to chat some now. I feel rather awful the past two days – he’s messaged me but I’ve been in meetings and haven’t gotten to chat back :( hopefully that will all change soon, now that I get to go back to my normal routine.
312 days to go.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Day 73
Another debate and another night I was sidetracked with alcoholic beverages and DVR-ed TV. I had good intention. I was going to fold all my clean laundry and watch the debate. But once again, I was distracted by a shiny object. My clothes did get folded though, so the whole evening wasn’t a total waste. And the two beers I had were quite tasty too. And I do read several debate synopses so I can try to form my own opinion. I’ll still be a good educated voter – I hope.
Aaron called on Sunday to let me know he made it to Iraq. I went a whole week without hearing from him - that was tough. I felt like I was going through a withdrawal. Early in the week things were cool. I made sure my cell phone was never that far away, I checked my email in the morning and the evening (during the day doesn’t count since I have my email open for work anyways). As the weekend neared I started having a little OCD with the phones while at home. Anywhere I went, they went. I started struggling to sleep at night for fear I would miss a call. When the alarm clock went off I would reach for the phone. I guess I kind of looked strung out too. Since I wasn’t sleeping I got the dark circles under the eyes and I would consume caffeine like a fiend. So I simultaneously looked like crap and was jittering from all the coffee – very crack addict-ish. Then Sunday he called and it was like a reset button. Back to being calm, back to being normal. I had my fix, and I am going to be ok for a little while. Now as more days pass I’m starting to jones again for some talky time.
327 days to go.
Aaron called on Sunday to let me know he made it to Iraq. I went a whole week without hearing from him - that was tough. I felt like I was going through a withdrawal. Early in the week things were cool. I made sure my cell phone was never that far away, I checked my email in the morning and the evening (during the day doesn’t count since I have my email open for work anyways). As the weekend neared I started having a little OCD with the phones while at home. Anywhere I went, they went. I started struggling to sleep at night for fear I would miss a call. When the alarm clock went off I would reach for the phone. I guess I kind of looked strung out too. Since I wasn’t sleeping I got the dark circles under the eyes and I would consume caffeine like a fiend. So I simultaneously looked like crap and was jittering from all the coffee – very crack addict-ish. Then Sunday he called and it was like a reset button. Back to being calm, back to being normal. I had my fix, and I am going to be ok for a little while. Now as more days pass I’m starting to jones again for some talky time.
327 days to go.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Day 67
How did it get to be October? The trees up here are starting to look like they are on fire as the leaves take on the reds, oranges and yellows. I really love fall, even if it means it’s going to start turning cold and before too long I’ll be in the 6+ months of winter - we have a very short fall and spring and summer (I have a lot of wool and flannel in my wardrobe).
This year is the year I promised myself I was going to be a knowledgeable and engaged voter. I was going to watch the presidential debates and the vice presidential debate. Last week Amy and I made it through 20 minutes of the first question and were sufficiently bored/annoyed with the candidates that we busted open the Legos Batman and made it through three levels. Tonight I told myself I would sit down and watch the VP debate. Somehow I managed to pop open a bottle of wine and catch up with my DVR-ed TV – I’m not sure what happened, I had such good intentions. I’m such a bad voter :(
Other than some weird self loathing for not watching debates (it may be wine induced) things are going well. I’m in the acceptance phase of Aaron being so far away. I miss the nightly txt messages, I miss talking to him in general. But time is moving quickly – well at times it does. The days seem to drag on, but when I look at the calendar the weeks seem to be flying by. I also notice I talk to Bagley more and I just wish he would learn to talk back or learn to say something other than “woof”. I need somebody to help me censor myself. I find myself saying things now that I know are just inappropriate - But I sure have fun saying them :) Wine says its time to go do something else and since nobody here disagrees …
Only 333 days left.
This year is the year I promised myself I was going to be a knowledgeable and engaged voter. I was going to watch the presidential debates and the vice presidential debate. Last week Amy and I made it through 20 minutes of the first question and were sufficiently bored/annoyed with the candidates that we busted open the Legos Batman and made it through three levels. Tonight I told myself I would sit down and watch the VP debate. Somehow I managed to pop open a bottle of wine and catch up with my DVR-ed TV – I’m not sure what happened, I had such good intentions. I’m such a bad voter :(
Other than some weird self loathing for not watching debates (it may be wine induced) things are going well. I’m in the acceptance phase of Aaron being so far away. I miss the nightly txt messages, I miss talking to him in general. But time is moving quickly – well at times it does. The days seem to drag on, but when I look at the calendar the weeks seem to be flying by. I also notice I talk to Bagley more and I just wish he would learn to talk back or learn to say something other than “woof”. I need somebody to help me censor myself. I find myself saying things now that I know are just inappropriate - But I sure have fun saying them :) Wine says its time to go do something else and since nobody here disagrees …
Only 333 days left.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Day 61
Wow 61 days. That’s like 2 months. We’re 15% of the way done.
I heard from Aaron yesterday and sounds like things are ok. It’s just really hot over there.
I’m feeling in better spirits today. This week has been fraught with poor sleep and bad dreams – I tried retail therapy midweek, but not even a trip to buy Baman Legos, a web cam, and the Kid Rock CD could cheer me up. In fact, Batman Legos hasn’t even come out of the packaging. It’s still sitting the bag on the dining room table…That will change tonight. Today is Friday and I will have a fun weekend. Army Wife Amy is coming up for BeerFest so we have a dinner date tonight. I’m excited – I get to drink Fitger’s beer and talk to another human being. It’s not like I don’t talk to people during the day, but for the most part I stare at my computer screen and clickity-click on my keyboard. I talk a lot when I get home, Bagely is a great listener – he just doesn’t hold up his part of the conversation. He just looks at me with his big brown eyes and cocks his head to one side and pretends to look smart. When he thinks I need a hug, he climbs up on my lap and rests his on my shoulder. It really is quite cute.
However, some of the other habits he’s picked up since Aaron left have not been so cute. He’s a bed hog. He has his own bed on the floor. (it’s a nice one, and it smells good since it stuffed with cedar chips and fiber fill – I also wash the cover ever two weeks too) He lays down on it until I shut the lights out and climb into bed, then he hops up and jumps up on my bed. It starts out cute enough with him curled up in a little ball at the end of the bed, but I usually wake up to him trying push me off the bed as he sprawls out and makes himself more comfortable. It’s something we need to work on – because when Aaron gets home, its back to the floor for Bagley.
Oh and thanks for the comments - I figured you were all out there being closet readers :D
That’s really all I have for now.
339 days to go.
I heard from Aaron yesterday and sounds like things are ok. It’s just really hot over there.
I’m feeling in better spirits today. This week has been fraught with poor sleep and bad dreams – I tried retail therapy midweek, but not even a trip to buy Baman Legos, a web cam, and the Kid Rock CD could cheer me up. In fact, Batman Legos hasn’t even come out of the packaging. It’s still sitting the bag on the dining room table…That will change tonight. Today is Friday and I will have a fun weekend. Army Wife Amy is coming up for BeerFest so we have a dinner date tonight. I’m excited – I get to drink Fitger’s beer and talk to another human being. It’s not like I don’t talk to people during the day, but for the most part I stare at my computer screen and clickity-click on my keyboard. I talk a lot when I get home, Bagely is a great listener – he just doesn’t hold up his part of the conversation. He just looks at me with his big brown eyes and cocks his head to one side and pretends to look smart. When he thinks I need a hug, he climbs up on my lap and rests his on my shoulder. It really is quite cute.
However, some of the other habits he’s picked up since Aaron left have not been so cute. He’s a bed hog. He has his own bed on the floor. (it’s a nice one, and it smells good since it stuffed with cedar chips and fiber fill – I also wash the cover ever two weeks too) He lays down on it until I shut the lights out and climb into bed, then he hops up and jumps up on my bed. It starts out cute enough with him curled up in a little ball at the end of the bed, but I usually wake up to him trying push me off the bed as he sprawls out and makes himself more comfortable. It’s something we need to work on – because when Aaron gets home, its back to the floor for Bagley.
Oh and thanks for the comments - I figured you were all out there being closet readers :D
That’s really all I have for now.
339 days to go.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Day 57
Ok where to begin.
First a shout out to my hubby in Middle East land - Happy One Year Anniversary! I thawed the cake topper, but I think I am going to hit the bakery and get something a little fresher. The thought of eating year old cake makes me a little uneasy and I have a hankering for carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. While this isn’t how I would prefer to spend my first anniversary I’m trying to make the best of it – it’s really all I can do.
I would like to say I’ve handled today with poise and grace and this would be true if my day had ended at 10:30 AM – that’s the time the flower delivery guy came. It’s been pretty rough since them. While I should have just gone home today and had my moments in private, I’ve stuck it out and I worked through the tears – Literally worked through the tears. Puffy eyes and tear streaked cheeks are no match for this master query writer. Although I wish I could turn off that English major part brain that managed to add extra symbolism to the 6 red roses that arrived – Thanks to my warped inner voice each red rose represents 1000 miles.
I guess all I can do is take solace in knowing that tomorrow this will all just feel like a little road bump.
So moving on… I need to share the highlights of the Pennsylvania vacation. It started off not good. The day before I was supposed to leave, Bagley got sick. So in the midst of packing and getting ready to travel - I had to take him to the vet for a bladder infection. He was supposed to stay with the neighbors, but instead I had to take him to the vet/boarding suites. I felt like a bad mom - ditching my sick kid so I could go have some fun.
The flight to PHL was delayed so it provided time for Amy and I to have some cocktails before takeoff. I was very relaxed when it came time to board the plane :) Driving sucked. We made it 7 whole miles on the freeway in our first hour in the car.
Saturday we saw the Liberty Bell, a bunch of old buildings, and downtown Philly – we stopped for beers and cheese steak. We also checked out the Shops at the Market Street terminal – which was really neat. It was kind of a cross between a farmers market and the food court at them mall.
Sunday we made it to the Sweetwater Farms B & B via a route through west Philly... Yeah – the GPS people need to add a route options of ‘Naive Minnesotan’. I was reading a magazine when we started the trip, and I don’t know why I stopped, but I started looking around the neighborhood we were in and “rough” would be a major understatement… But the B & B was a totally awesome place. They had horses and sheep and fainting goats. Aaron and the rest of my travel companions got to meet Grr – the first of my adopted little brothers. Grr proved to be an enigma and made quite the impression and also landed himself an invite for the coveted BWCA trips. Much Merriment and drinking was had. I learned two things about PA on Sunday that I really liked – 1.) They sell booze on Sunday. All types. No limitations. And 2.) They have BYOB restaurants – nothing is more stupendous than bringing your own booze to a restaurant.
Monday we went to the Chaddfords Winery and it was like being a college again – I was drinking and learning :) I learned all about the east coast grape growing and wine vintages. They also had some really good reds, so I will most likely ordering some wines from them to add to my collection.
Tuesday we visited the Longwood Gardens. They had 1000+ acres of flowers, plants, shrubs, trees, fountains, etc. It was amazing – even if their tree house exhibit left a little to be desired. Then it was time to go home. Which was bad. I’m not a fan of saying goodbye, so I’ve never learned to do it well. We ended with a couple of hugs and drove back to Philly to catch the plane back to MN in the morning...
343 days to go.
First a shout out to my hubby in Middle East land - Happy One Year Anniversary! I thawed the cake topper, but I think I am going to hit the bakery and get something a little fresher. The thought of eating year old cake makes me a little uneasy and I have a hankering for carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. While this isn’t how I would prefer to spend my first anniversary I’m trying to make the best of it – it’s really all I can do.
I would like to say I’ve handled today with poise and grace and this would be true if my day had ended at 10:30 AM – that’s the time the flower delivery guy came. It’s been pretty rough since them. While I should have just gone home today and had my moments in private, I’ve stuck it out and I worked through the tears – Literally worked through the tears. Puffy eyes and tear streaked cheeks are no match for this master query writer. Although I wish I could turn off that English major part brain that managed to add extra symbolism to the 6 red roses that arrived – Thanks to my warped inner voice each red rose represents 1000 miles.
I guess all I can do is take solace in knowing that tomorrow this will all just feel like a little road bump.
So moving on… I need to share the highlights of the Pennsylvania vacation. It started off not good. The day before I was supposed to leave, Bagley got sick. So in the midst of packing and getting ready to travel - I had to take him to the vet for a bladder infection. He was supposed to stay with the neighbors, but instead I had to take him to the vet/boarding suites. I felt like a bad mom - ditching my sick kid so I could go have some fun.
The flight to PHL was delayed so it provided time for Amy and I to have some cocktails before takeoff. I was very relaxed when it came time to board the plane :) Driving sucked. We made it 7 whole miles on the freeway in our first hour in the car.
Saturday we saw the Liberty Bell, a bunch of old buildings, and downtown Philly – we stopped for beers and cheese steak. We also checked out the Shops at the Market Street terminal – which was really neat. It was kind of a cross between a farmers market and the food court at them mall.
Sunday we made it to the Sweetwater Farms B & B via a route through west Philly... Yeah – the GPS people need to add a route options of ‘Naive Minnesotan’. I was reading a magazine when we started the trip, and I don’t know why I stopped, but I started looking around the neighborhood we were in and “rough” would be a major understatement… But the B & B was a totally awesome place. They had horses and sheep and fainting goats. Aaron and the rest of my travel companions got to meet Grr – the first of my adopted little brothers. Grr proved to be an enigma and made quite the impression and also landed himself an invite for the coveted BWCA trips. Much Merriment and drinking was had. I learned two things about PA on Sunday that I really liked – 1.) They sell booze on Sunday. All types. No limitations. And 2.) They have BYOB restaurants – nothing is more stupendous than bringing your own booze to a restaurant.
Monday we went to the Chaddfords Winery and it was like being a college again – I was drinking and learning :) I learned all about the east coast grape growing and wine vintages. They also had some really good reds, so I will most likely ordering some wines from them to add to my collection.
Tuesday we visited the Longwood Gardens. They had 1000+ acres of flowers, plants, shrubs, trees, fountains, etc. It was amazing – even if their tree house exhibit left a little to be desired. Then it was time to go home. Which was bad. I’m not a fan of saying goodbye, so I’ve never learned to do it well. We ended with a couple of hugs and drove back to Philly to catch the plane back to MN in the morning...
343 days to go.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Day 54
First off – my apologies for not posting earlier. I was working on posting yesterday about my vacation with Aaron, but I got a call last night that left me rather inert. I will work on recomposing it and post it over the weekend since there are some noteworthy occurrences. Which brings me to last night’s phone call – Aaron is now somewhere over the ocean on his way to the Middle East.
I know I knew this was coming, so I don’t know why it still felt like I just got hit by a truck. And as you can imagine this also impacts one’s ability to have a normal conversation or a normal night. I know I tried to fill him in on my day, my walk with the dog, and my plans for the weekend, but pretty much all I can remember from the phone call, was not to worry if I didn’t get any news. No news is good news and it would probably two weeks before I will hear from him again.
Things impact people differently. I suck at the first night and last night of travel. So I was already exhausted from our mini vacation and before I could even recover I got smacked upside the head by the 2 x 4 of army wife life. I’m not sure I slept more than two hours last night – I kept waking up and looking at the clock and wondering if his plane had taken off yet. And this morning it looks like I haven’t slept in days. Granted, I’m not the vainest of people - I often just pull my hair back into a pony tail and my make-up routine is usually spf 15 lotion and chapstick. Though I have been trying a little harder lately. I still look younger than I am (at least that’s what I have been told), but I want to keep that illusion going longer. And despite everything I hate about our bathroom (it’s like pink Pepto barf) – the lighting is very kind and soft. I did my normal routine of brushing my hair and putting on my make-up feeling that I didn’t look all that awful. I made the mistake of checking myself in the full length mirror at top of stairs. This area has nice bright lighting - maybe even a little too bright. The bags under my eyes have their own bags. And granted I have a pale completion – but today I look like something that has never see the light of day. The combination of the translucent skin and dark multi layered circles under the eyes reminded me of something you should find in one of the deep ocean trenches. Then as if I could feel like I could look any worse. I started to tear up and added nice bloodshot eyes to the whole ensemble. Boy do I feel pretty today.
My plan for the night is to sit down with a cocktail, watch my Battlestar Galatica DVDs, and fall asleep with the dog and cats snuggled around me. That should solve some of problems.
346 days to go.
I know I knew this was coming, so I don’t know why it still felt like I just got hit by a truck. And as you can imagine this also impacts one’s ability to have a normal conversation or a normal night. I know I tried to fill him in on my day, my walk with the dog, and my plans for the weekend, but pretty much all I can remember from the phone call, was not to worry if I didn’t get any news. No news is good news and it would probably two weeks before I will hear from him again.
Things impact people differently. I suck at the first night and last night of travel. So I was already exhausted from our mini vacation and before I could even recover I got smacked upside the head by the 2 x 4 of army wife life. I’m not sure I slept more than two hours last night – I kept waking up and looking at the clock and wondering if his plane had taken off yet. And this morning it looks like I haven’t slept in days. Granted, I’m not the vainest of people - I often just pull my hair back into a pony tail and my make-up routine is usually spf 15 lotion and chapstick. Though I have been trying a little harder lately. I still look younger than I am (at least that’s what I have been told), but I want to keep that illusion going longer. And despite everything I hate about our bathroom (it’s like pink Pepto barf) – the lighting is very kind and soft. I did my normal routine of brushing my hair and putting on my make-up feeling that I didn’t look all that awful. I made the mistake of checking myself in the full length mirror at top of stairs. This area has nice bright lighting - maybe even a little too bright. The bags under my eyes have their own bags. And granted I have a pale completion – but today I look like something that has never see the light of day. The combination of the translucent skin and dark multi layered circles under the eyes reminded me of something you should find in one of the deep ocean trenches. Then as if I could feel like I could look any worse. I started to tear up and added nice bloodshot eyes to the whole ensemble. Boy do I feel pretty today.
My plan for the night is to sit down with a cocktail, watch my Battlestar Galatica DVDs, and fall asleep with the dog and cats snuggled around me. That should solve some of problems.
346 days to go.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Day 45
Well as I suspected as the initial shock of a new school year wore off, the blues faded away. I still feel rather discombobulated and distracted, but now I’m just not feeling sad about feeling that way. I’m really excited for Friday to come. I get to fly to the east coast and see Aaron. That might be why I feel all distracted now. I’m making little lists so I remember to pack everything – I have to pack clothes for me and for Aaron since all he took with him when he left was his army clothes. As an added complication I am trying to do it all in one suitcase so I don’t have to pay to check two bags. I could just leave his stuff behind, but if I didn’t bring him anything we make an odd looking couple lounging by the pool at the B & B.
I should try to blog when I am more in my manic giggly moods rather than I am just mellow. I fear I am coming across all Eeyore, and really that’s not how I feel at all. I’m super excited about seeing Aaron – though I wish I could have had the time to take the train instead of flying. It’s not that I don’t like flying - I just hate the hassle of it. You get this hurry up and wait mentality and most people are rude and impatient and do everything they can to take up as much overhead storage space as possible. I hate the lines to go through security. I hate having to unpack my liquids and my laptop and taking off my shoes. I hate paying $550 for a round trip ticket and then having to pay an additional $15 each way to check my suitcase. I hate sitting still for 3 hours. OK – maybe I do hate flying a little bit, good thing I don’t do it that often.
At this moment I am daydreaming about our stay at the Sweetwater Farms B & B, and the wine tasting we’ll go to. And the phenomenally awesome breakfasts we will be served. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. You basically get to eat dessert with a side of fried piggy – who doesn’t love that. We’ll cultural stuff too, like see the Liberty Bell and Independence hall. I’m really looking forward to this time away with Aaron.
My thoughts are just bouncing everywhere. Not a very coherent post. I will try to do better in the future.
355 days to go.
I should try to blog when I am more in my manic giggly moods rather than I am just mellow. I fear I am coming across all Eeyore, and really that’s not how I feel at all. I’m super excited about seeing Aaron – though I wish I could have had the time to take the train instead of flying. It’s not that I don’t like flying - I just hate the hassle of it. You get this hurry up and wait mentality and most people are rude and impatient and do everything they can to take up as much overhead storage space as possible. I hate the lines to go through security. I hate having to unpack my liquids and my laptop and taking off my shoes. I hate paying $550 for a round trip ticket and then having to pay an additional $15 each way to check my suitcase. I hate sitting still for 3 hours. OK – maybe I do hate flying a little bit, good thing I don’t do it that often.
At this moment I am daydreaming about our stay at the Sweetwater Farms B & B, and the wine tasting we’ll go to. And the phenomenally awesome breakfasts we will be served. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. You basically get to eat dessert with a side of fried piggy – who doesn’t love that. We’ll cultural stuff too, like see the Liberty Bell and Independence hall. I’m really looking forward to this time away with Aaron.
My thoughts are just bouncing everywhere. Not a very coherent post. I will try to do better in the future.
355 days to go.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Day 39
How did it get to be September already?? Where did summer go?
I spent the long weekend working on campus helping new students get anti-virus installed and troubleshooting network connections. It’s true what they say – no matter how much things change, they still remain the same. It’s been 11 years (Gasp) since I was freshman and they still have that deer-in-the-headlights look that I remember having. Wondering around trying to figure out where they are going and what they should be doing. Just now they do it with a cell phone in one hand and an iPod in the other.
I like working on campus because of the energy the students bring with them. It’s palatable and I love feeding off of it. It keeps me energized and young at heart – and it doesn’t hurt that every fall there is a new batch eye-candy ;) Unfortunately the first few days they bring a lot of other things with them too. Confusion, nervousness, anxiety, loss, loneliness, stress, fear – which I unfortunately feed off of too. I’m going to blame the oddness that I have been feeling the past two days on all the students. I should be all excited, but I have had this blue streak the past couple of days and I just want to shake it. It makes me pessimistic and brings on lots of self doubt and loathing. I should be excited that the deployment is about 10% done, but I keep drumming in my head that I have almost another full year to go. A full year of being alone, of being guarded, of be anxious, of feeling off kilter, of doubting myself. I can’t see past it. I can’t appreciate the new things I will do, the items I will cross off of my list (run a 5K, audition for Survivor, volunteer, learn a new language, …) I can’t look forward to seeing Aaron next week. Rather than seeing it as a chance to see him, I’m seeing it has his last days in the country before he leaves for the desert.
I know this will all pass. But in true Wendy fashion, I want these feelings done and over with now – which seems to make them want to stay longer :( I just keep telling myself .. Tomorrow will be a better day.
361 days to go.
I spent the long weekend working on campus helping new students get anti-virus installed and troubleshooting network connections. It’s true what they say – no matter how much things change, they still remain the same. It’s been 11 years (Gasp) since I was freshman and they still have that deer-in-the-headlights look that I remember having. Wondering around trying to figure out where they are going and what they should be doing. Just now they do it with a cell phone in one hand and an iPod in the other.
I like working on campus because of the energy the students bring with them. It’s palatable and I love feeding off of it. It keeps me energized and young at heart – and it doesn’t hurt that every fall there is a new batch eye-candy ;) Unfortunately the first few days they bring a lot of other things with them too. Confusion, nervousness, anxiety, loss, loneliness, stress, fear – which I unfortunately feed off of too. I’m going to blame the oddness that I have been feeling the past two days on all the students. I should be all excited, but I have had this blue streak the past couple of days and I just want to shake it. It makes me pessimistic and brings on lots of self doubt and loathing. I should be excited that the deployment is about 10% done, but I keep drumming in my head that I have almost another full year to go. A full year of being alone, of being guarded, of be anxious, of feeling off kilter, of doubting myself. I can’t see past it. I can’t appreciate the new things I will do, the items I will cross off of my list (run a 5K, audition for Survivor, volunteer, learn a new language, …) I can’t look forward to seeing Aaron next week. Rather than seeing it as a chance to see him, I’m seeing it has his last days in the country before he leaves for the desert.
I know this will all pass. But in true Wendy fashion, I want these feelings done and over with now – which seems to make them want to stay longer :( I just keep telling myself .. Tomorrow will be a better day.
361 days to go.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Day 33
I think I have a better understanding of dogs. I used get so annoyed when a grown dog would get so excited when they saw somebody that they peed. But now I get it. I leave in two weeks to PA and see Aaron for four whole days and I am so excite I feel like I could pee my pants. If I had a tail to wag I would be doing that non-stop too – but since I don’t , I am content fidgeting and wiggling all the time (I really like bouncing in my office chair – it’s got nice spring action)
The last few days I have been missing Aaron lots. I haven’t had any particularly bad days or felt really lonely or anything like that. I just really really miss him. I’ve been doing better at getting into a routine. I ride the bus to and from work. After work I have a little snack and change into my running clothes, take Bagley for a run, dinner, then I sit around and watch tv and get really bored. So I still need to have a little more structure in my evenings.
I’m developing a list of things to do to keep me busier. So far I have :
Train for and run a 5K
Buy a bottle of wine a week (planning a wine and cheese party for when Aaron get’s home)
Paint our bed room
Volunteer more (currently I do database/computer work for the Duluth Community Garden for a couple hours a week – I want to find another organization that could benefit from my skills and time and not from my meager pocket book)
It’s not on my list to do, but I daydream a lot about seeing Aaron in two weeks, I’ve been spending lots of time researching where to go and what to see and where to eat and drink in Philadelphia and the Brandywine valley. I really can’t wait – and I really hope I don’t pee my pants when I see him.
367 days to go.
The last few days I have been missing Aaron lots. I haven’t had any particularly bad days or felt really lonely or anything like that. I just really really miss him. I’ve been doing better at getting into a routine. I ride the bus to and from work. After work I have a little snack and change into my running clothes, take Bagley for a run, dinner, then I sit around and watch tv and get really bored. So I still need to have a little more structure in my evenings.
I’m developing a list of things to do to keep me busier. So far I have :
Train for and run a 5K
Buy a bottle of wine a week (planning a wine and cheese party for when Aaron get’s home)
Paint our bed room
Volunteer more (currently I do database/computer work for the Duluth Community Garden for a couple hours a week – I want to find another organization that could benefit from my skills and time and not from my meager pocket book)
It’s not on my list to do, but I daydream a lot about seeing Aaron in two weeks, I’ve been spending lots of time researching where to go and what to see and where to eat and drink in Philadelphia and the Brandywine valley. I really can’t wait – and I really hope I don’t pee my pants when I see him.
367 days to go.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Day 30
Yesterday was Aaron’s birthday – and instead of spending the evening have dinner and cocktails with friends like we typically do, I watched a Nicholas Cage movie and folded laundry. There was also no cake which sucked. But I suppose this is just one of many special days of the deployment that will be spent doing average tasks instead of celebrating.
This past weekend I went to Cities and visited Amy (another Army wife). It was nice to chat with someone who “gets” what I’m going through. And we had a lot of fun too. We went to the MN State Fair and looked at all the neat fair stuff, watched a lamb being born - they had to reach in and straighten out the lamb’s legs and pull it out (really neat and slightly gross all at the same time).
One nice thing in my world is we’re beginning to change seasons. The evenings are starting to get to cool to leave the windows open all night, the trees are starting to take on more yellow green hues as they get ready to make their bold color change. Students start moving back to campus on Thursday. Summer is coming to a close and it’s time for autumn. The only thing that disappoints me about autumn is that it’s so short up here and you have to hurry up and enjoy it because winter will chase it out long before anybody is ready for it to leave.
370 days to go.
This past weekend I went to Cities and visited Amy (another Army wife). It was nice to chat with someone who “gets” what I’m going through. And we had a lot of fun too. We went to the MN State Fair and looked at all the neat fair stuff, watched a lamb being born - they had to reach in and straighten out the lamb’s legs and pull it out (really neat and slightly gross all at the same time).
One nice thing in my world is we’re beginning to change seasons. The evenings are starting to get to cool to leave the windows open all night, the trees are starting to take on more yellow green hues as they get ready to make their bold color change. Students start moving back to campus on Thursday. Summer is coming to a close and it’s time for autumn. The only thing that disappoints me about autumn is that it’s so short up here and you have to hurry up and enjoy it because winter will chase it out long before anybody is ready for it to leave.
370 days to go.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Day 25
I’m going to consider today a major milestone since we are now 1/16 of the way done with the deployment. Aaron has his leave dates for September and I have my plane ticket :D I’m excited to see him. We’re going to see the sites in Philadelphia and then spend some time at a B & B in the countryside and do some wine tastings and look at gardens. Nice and relaxing. Unfortunately I know as I fly back to Duluth he will be getting ready to board a plane to fly overseas.
Bagley and I are staying busy. We just had my parents, my brother, my sister-in-law, and my nephew up to Duluth. We went and saw some of the sites but it just wasn’t enough time. Then we went camping up in Eveleth. Bagley and I shared our 2 man backpacking tent. He was a pillow hog – but when I got cold in the middle of the night he was an excellent heater.
I also sent Aaron his first care package. His birthday is next week and he’s going to be getting nine pounds of nuts and other miscellaneous things. I didn’t know what else to get him – he didn’t really want anything he had to lug overseas – so I got him lots and lots of salty nuts.
I’ve started communicating more with other army wives - Its reassuring that I am not the only one missing my husband. It’s also nice to know that am not the only doing some crazy house projects (painting, rearranging, ripping up gardens,…) to keep me busy :)
375 days to go
Bagley and I are staying busy. We just had my parents, my brother, my sister-in-law, and my nephew up to Duluth. We went and saw some of the sites but it just wasn’t enough time. Then we went camping up in Eveleth. Bagley and I shared our 2 man backpacking tent. He was a pillow hog – but when I got cold in the middle of the night he was an excellent heater.
I also sent Aaron his first care package. His birthday is next week and he’s going to be getting nine pounds of nuts and other miscellaneous things. I didn’t know what else to get him – he didn’t really want anything he had to lug overseas – so I got him lots and lots of salty nuts.
I’ve started communicating more with other army wives - Its reassuring that I am not the only one missing my husband. It’s also nice to know that am not the only doing some crazy house projects (painting, rearranging, ripping up gardens,…) to keep me busy :)
375 days to go
Friday, August 8, 2008
Day 12
I think “dazed” is starting to be a good word to describe how I am feeling now. I don’t think it helped that I caught an awful cold the day after I left Aaron at the Reserve Center and my past week has been a routine of Day Quil-Kleenex-Night Quil – repeat. Its been a struggle just making it through the day – my mind wanders and can’t stay focused on any task.
At home I think the dog and cats are just happy they are getting fed daily. I made a list of things I need to do this weekend – like mow the lawn (starting to look a little jungle-ish), and go grocery shopping.
The pets , or as I refer to them ‘my starter children’, have each taken on new roles now that Aaron is gone. It used to be Bagley (dog) would sit on his futon and more or less do his own thing. If something good was on TV he would come sit on the people couch – now he lays on the floor and watched me watch TV. It can be creepy sometime. He still likes to sit on couch and watch TV, but usually that means he needs to sit on my lap.
Boo (my white kitty) used to be my playful kitty. She would run around the house and play with anything she could find. If she was allowed upstairs at night, I usually awoke with her claws in my toes. Now she is my cuddler. She follows me around and always needs to be touching me.
Spooky (my black kitty) used to like to be my lap sitter. She would alternate between sitting in the window sills to sitting on my lap – Now she takes the highest vantage point she can find and watches the door. She used to sleep on the bed at night, now she sleeps on the landing and watches the door. I wonder if she is waiting for Aaron…
388 days to go.
At home I think the dog and cats are just happy they are getting fed daily. I made a list of things I need to do this weekend – like mow the lawn (starting to look a little jungle-ish), and go grocery shopping.
The pets , or as I refer to them ‘my starter children’, have each taken on new roles now that Aaron is gone. It used to be Bagley (dog) would sit on his futon and more or less do his own thing. If something good was on TV he would come sit on the people couch – now he lays on the floor and watched me watch TV. It can be creepy sometime. He still likes to sit on couch and watch TV, but usually that means he needs to sit on my lap.
Boo (my white kitty) used to be my playful kitty. She would run around the house and play with anything she could find. If she was allowed upstairs at night, I usually awoke with her claws in my toes. Now she is my cuddler. She follows me around and always needs to be touching me.
Spooky (my black kitty) used to like to be my lap sitter. She would alternate between sitting in the window sills to sitting on my lap – Now she takes the highest vantage point she can find and watches the door. She used to sleep on the bed at night, now she sleeps on the landing and watches the door. I wonder if she is waiting for Aaron…
388 days to go.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Day 8
I know it’s been a few days since I’ve posted, I wanted some perspective on Aarons leaving.
Wednesday night went to the local theater and watched Handcock - if for no other reason than to eat up a couple hours and avoid talking more about his
leaving or just sitting in silence thinking of how to say good-bye the next morning. I slept awful that night. I don’t think I got much more than a 2 hours sleep. I kept waking up and rolling over to make sure he was still there. I would snuggle up next to him only to feel that sinking feeling in my stomach that it was going to be a while before I was going to be able to snuggle again. A wet stormy dreary morning came too soon and we checked
out and headed to breakfast. We order too fast, the food came too fast, and we finished too fast. We still had 40 minutes before he needed to be at the Reserve Center - neither one of us was looking forward to just sitting there looking at each across the table and trying to figure out how to say good-bye. Thankfully two other guys from Aaron’s unit showed up at the restaurant and sat with us. The mood lightened as they ate breakfast and we all
chatted about movies.
Then it was time to leave. On the way to Center Aaron made a comment about the weather - was it an omen of how the deployment was to go? Perhaps it was just the physical manifestation of everyone’s mood? I said it was just rain. I pulled into the parking lot and popped the trunk. I got out and helped him grabbed his 3 bags. He set them down and gave me a hug. I hugged back. A few quick kisses and some I love yous. He picked his stuff up again. A few more kisses and a few more love yous. I can’t even remember if I said goodbye – I was too focused on not crying in front of him. I turned and walked back to the car and he turned and walked to the center. Then I drove away. It wasn’t until I was 20 miles down the road, where I had gotten stuck at a stop light, that the tears rolled down my face. There weren’t many of them and they didn’t last long. The light turned green I wiped my eyes and continued north.
He texted that night that they made it safe to New Jersey. He found the card I tucked into his backpack - he said it almost made him cry. That made me almost cry. I’ve returned to work, trying to get into a routine. Trying not think about everything that could happen and only hope that everyone will be OK and the time will pass quickly.
392 days to go.
Wednesday night went to the local theater and watched Handcock - if for no other reason than to eat up a couple hours and avoid talking more about his
leaving or just sitting in silence thinking of how to say good-bye the next morning. I slept awful that night. I don’t think I got much more than a 2 hours sleep. I kept waking up and rolling over to make sure he was still there. I would snuggle up next to him only to feel that sinking feeling in my stomach that it was going to be a while before I was going to be able to snuggle again. A wet stormy dreary morning came too soon and we checked
out and headed to breakfast. We order too fast, the food came too fast, and we finished too fast. We still had 40 minutes before he needed to be at the Reserve Center - neither one of us was looking forward to just sitting there looking at each across the table and trying to figure out how to say good-bye. Thankfully two other guys from Aaron’s unit showed up at the restaurant and sat with us. The mood lightened as they ate breakfast and we all
chatted about movies.
Then it was time to leave. On the way to Center Aaron made a comment about the weather - was it an omen of how the deployment was to go? Perhaps it was just the physical manifestation of everyone’s mood? I said it was just rain. I pulled into the parking lot and popped the trunk. I got out and helped him grabbed his 3 bags. He set them down and gave me a hug. I hugged back. A few quick kisses and some I love yous. He picked his stuff up again. A few more kisses and a few more love yous. I can’t even remember if I said goodbye – I was too focused on not crying in front of him. I turned and walked back to the car and he turned and walked to the center. Then I drove away. It wasn’t until I was 20 miles down the road, where I had gotten stuck at a stop light, that the tears rolled down my face. There weren’t many of them and they didn’t last long. The light turned green I wiped my eyes and continued north.
He texted that night that they made it safe to New Jersey. He found the card I tucked into his backpack - he said it almost made him cry. That made me almost cry. I’ve returned to work, trying to get into a routine. Trying not think about everything that could happen and only hope that everyone will be OK and the time will pass quickly.
392 days to go.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Day 3
Today was the appreciation ceremony and family picnic for Aaron’s unit.
I expected today to be rough, but it really wasn’t that bad.
I will admit I did get choked up a couple of times. When we arrived, the MN Patriot Guard was lining the path to the school entrance. I know many of them were veterans or family members of veterans. I felt very overwhelmed with pride and gratitude as they lined the walkways and proudly held the flag.
I also got choked up when the Captain read a poem titled the Military Wife.
The rest of the ceremony was filled with dancing girls and people reading letters from MN elected officials. The picnic was hot. I know I shouldn’t complain about the heat since Aaron is headed to a place where it will easily be 20 more degrees warmer than it was here today.
Aaron’s parents and siblings made it here for the ceremony and picnic. I was glad they were able to make it and get one last goodbye in before Aaron leaves the country.
When it was just Aaron and I remaining, we sat on the veranda at the hotel and sipped some Lake Superior beers and had a really good candid chat. While we have both enjoyed being able to spend time together these last few days, we are more than ready to say our goodbyes and start the ‘real’ part of the deployment. I know I have many days ahead of me that I will wish he was here, but we’ve done the best to prepare ourselves and we both have solid friends and family around us that we can turn to for support or offer support to in the low times.
397 days to go.
I expected today to be rough, but it really wasn’t that bad.
I will admit I did get choked up a couple of times. When we arrived, the MN Patriot Guard was lining the path to the school entrance. I know many of them were veterans or family members of veterans. I felt very overwhelmed with pride and gratitude as they lined the walkways and proudly held the flag.
I also got choked up when the Captain read a poem titled the Military Wife.
The rest of the ceremony was filled with dancing girls and people reading letters from MN elected officials. The picnic was hot. I know I shouldn’t complain about the heat since Aaron is headed to a place where it will easily be 20 more degrees warmer than it was here today.
Aaron’s parents and siblings made it here for the ceremony and picnic. I was glad they were able to make it and get one last goodbye in before Aaron leaves the country.
When it was just Aaron and I remaining, we sat on the veranda at the hotel and sipped some Lake Superior beers and had a really good candid chat. While we have both enjoyed being able to spend time together these last few days, we are more than ready to say our goodbyes and start the ‘real’ part of the deployment. I know I have many days ahead of me that I will wish he was here, but we’ve done the best to prepare ourselves and we both have solid friends and family around us that we can turn to for support or offer support to in the low times.
397 days to go.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Day 1
Today is day 1. And I must say it was rather anticlimactic. I took him to the Reserve Center, he said good-bye, hopped out, grabbed his stuff out of the trunk and walked off.
Perhaps I should explain what is going on. My husband is a soldier in the Army Reserves and is deploying for 400 days. Roughly a year ago he was put on alert. Since this is my first time experiencing a deployment I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know if he was leaving in 1 week, 1 month, or 1 year. My brain raced with thoughts wondering if he would make to our wedding? would he be around for the holidays? and let’s not mention the assortment of scenarios that have run through my head of the various states my husband might or might not come home in.
The past week has been tense. For the most part I can keep it together, but there is definitely added stress making it hard to concentrate and giving me a shorter fuse. For example - we needed salad at the store and after 10 minutes of bickering about what should go into the salad we came to our senses and realized we were arguing about salad. And when I go home in two days I know I find the other two bags of stuff I packed sitting on the table that I needed for this trip.
But it hasn’t all been spacing out and minor squabbles. There is real sadness there too. Our dog Bagley had picked up it and has been very mopey. Given an option he would want to sit on the couch or beg for attention. However, lately I find him curled up in his crate and he doesn’t want to come out.
My employer was kind enough to let me work remotely until my husband actually leave the state – so I get to spend a few more evening with my husband. Now there is only 399 days to go.
Perhaps I should explain what is going on. My husband is a soldier in the Army Reserves and is deploying for 400 days. Roughly a year ago he was put on alert. Since this is my first time experiencing a deployment I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know if he was leaving in 1 week, 1 month, or 1 year. My brain raced with thoughts wondering if he would make to our wedding? would he be around for the holidays? and let’s not mention the assortment of scenarios that have run through my head of the various states my husband might or might not come home in.
The past week has been tense. For the most part I can keep it together, but there is definitely added stress making it hard to concentrate and giving me a shorter fuse. For example - we needed salad at the store and after 10 minutes of bickering about what should go into the salad we came to our senses and realized we were arguing about salad. And when I go home in two days I know I find the other two bags of stuff I packed sitting on the table that I needed for this trip.
But it hasn’t all been spacing out and minor squabbles. There is real sadness there too. Our dog Bagley had picked up it and has been very mopey. Given an option he would want to sit on the couch or beg for attention. However, lately I find him curled up in his crate and he doesn’t want to come out.
My employer was kind enough to let me work remotely until my husband actually leave the state – so I get to spend a few more evening with my husband. Now there is only 399 days to go.
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