Day 93

It’s nearing the end of another month and the number of days Aaron’s been gone is nearing triple digits. News from the desert makes it sound like all is as well as it can be. He works long days and they aren’t getting much for time off – but it wasn’t as if this was unexpected. I get to hear from him a bit more which helps, but I can’t wait until this is over.

As for me things are somewhere between ehhh and ok. I’m in the final days of being a twenty-something and by next week I will cross over into the thirty zone - not exactly thrilled about this birthday. It’s not that I think thirty is the end of my youth (although in my teenage years I did decide that 30 was the age you turned old. I really wish I could build a time machine and go back to younger me and just give me a slap across the face and point out that 30 is not old - 90 is old). While it’s not an ending, I did make it a big milestone. By 30 I wanted to be married and have kids, I wanted to have been to Europe, have a house, and have some type of degree that made people call me Dr. Wendy. So I didn’t go get a terminal degree, never been to Europe, and it’s tough to start a family when your husband is 6000 miles away. And due to my warped sense of reality I see this as the birthday I’m the crazy cat lady. Consciously I know I’m surrounded by people that care about me – but on a subconscious level I see myself alone with crazy unbrushed hair, wondering around in a house coat and slippers, and talking nonsensical to the cats. I guess this just isn’t how I pictured this birthday would be. I know this feeling will pass – my kitties and dog are excellent counselors – pretty sure they all watch Dr Phil or something equally sensitive while I’m at work ;)

307 days to go.

Day 88

Arg. Its been an odd couple of weeks. I ran my 5K – I wasn’t last but I wasn’t as fast I would have liked to have been. But when you considered I ran with a bunch of college kids who are *gasp* 10 year younger than I am – I didn’t do so bad. My next 5K isn’t going to be a trail run. I plan on being on flat ground and hopefully with a group closer to my age.

I’ve been painting my bedroom too. Not the colors Aaron and I picked out before he left, but a totally different color scheme. Instead of grey I picked two shades of green – I like it and I guess all that matters until Aaron gets home. I still have the final coat of poly to put on the bedroom furniture and the light fixtures to change out too. The nice thing about staying busy is it keeps me distracted. And I guess I’m going into the “me” mode. It’s become my dog, my room, my house. Amy tells me this is a coping mechanism and she does the same thing and the tough part is going back to “we” mode when they return. I think I feel happier now, but when I realize that I feel less stressed it stresses me out and makes me rather unhappy. I feel that perhaps by accepting things as they are and finding a way to be happy despite them – I’m somehow forgetting about Aaron. I’ve added more pictures of him to my office. I must have a dozen or so now. But it’s not the same as having him closer.

I’ve been getting my weekly phone call from Aaron. Sunday morning is now my new date night. It brings a smile to my face when the phone rings. Our conversations are still awkward. I think we’re still spending more time talking about finances and the dog – but it doesn’t matter I just love being able to hear from him. He just got internet in his CHU so we should be able to chat some now. I feel rather awful the past two days – he’s messaged me but I’ve been in meetings and haven’t gotten to chat back :( hopefully that will all change soon, now that I get to go back to my normal routine.

312 days to go.

Day 73

Another debate and another night I was sidetracked with alcoholic beverages and DVR-ed TV. I had good intention. I was going to fold all my clean laundry and watch the debate. But once again, I was distracted by a shiny object. My clothes did get folded though, so the whole evening wasn’t a total waste. And the two beers I had were quite tasty too. And I do read several debate synopses so I can try to form my own opinion. I’ll still be a good educated voter – I hope.

Aaron called on Sunday to let me know he made it to Iraq. I went a whole week without hearing from him - that was tough. I felt like I was going through a withdrawal. Early in the week things were cool. I made sure my cell phone was never that far away, I checked my email in the morning and the evening (during the day doesn’t count since I have my email open for work anyways). As the weekend neared I started having a little OCD with the phones while at home. Anywhere I went, they went. I started struggling to sleep at night for fear I would miss a call. When the alarm clock went off I would reach for the phone. I guess I kind of looked strung out too. Since I wasn’t sleeping I got the dark circles under the eyes and I would consume caffeine like a fiend. So I simultaneously looked like crap and was jittering from all the coffee – very crack addict-ish. Then Sunday he called and it was like a reset button. Back to being calm, back to being normal. I had my fix, and I am going to be ok for a little while. Now as more days pass I’m starting to jones again for some talky time.

327 days to go.

Day 67

How did it get to be October? The trees up here are starting to look like they are on fire as the leaves take on the reds, oranges and yellows. I really love fall, even if it means it’s going to start turning cold and before too long I’ll be in the 6+ months of winter - we have a very short fall and spring and summer (I have a lot of wool and flannel in my wardrobe).

This year is the year I promised myself I was going to be a knowledgeable and engaged voter. I was going to watch the presidential debates and the vice presidential debate. Last week Amy and I made it through 20 minutes of the first question and were sufficiently bored/annoyed with the candidates that we busted open the Legos Batman and made it through three levels. Tonight I told myself I would sit down and watch the VP debate. Somehow I managed to pop open a bottle of wine and catch up with my DVR-ed TV – I’m not sure what happened, I had such good intentions. I’m such a bad voter :(

Other than some weird self loathing for not watching debates (it may be wine induced) things are going well. I’m in the acceptance phase of Aaron being so far away. I miss the nightly txt messages, I miss talking to him in general. But time is moving quickly – well at times it does. The days seem to drag on, but when I look at the calendar the weeks seem to be flying by. I also notice I talk to Bagley more and I just wish he would learn to talk back or learn to say something other than “woof”. I need somebody to help me censor myself. I find myself saying things now that I know are just inappropriate - But I sure have fun saying them :) Wine says its time to go do something else and since nobody here disagrees …

Only 333 days left.